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The Day Southampton Made Me Cry

southampton 3

Have you ever missed something, so much that you cry?

I cried today, for a chapter in my life that’s long gone; Southampton chapter.

I’d been doing so well all this time. I avoided playing songs that I used to listen in my Southampton era, and I put all photos in a folder that I kept safe, untouched. I’d buried everything about Southampton, since the day I left it

But yesterday, I saw a photo of a friend graduating on my Facebook timeline. He isn’t a close friend, but we spent a good amount of time when I was there, and inevitably, we shared stories and experiences. Then today I watched some bits of the graduation ceremony in Turner Sims Hall (thank goodness for live streaming), and suddenly, my heart ached. I didn’t expect to see familiar faces, it’s been 1.5 years since I left. But to my surprise, I saw 2 people I knew back then, whom I used to hang out with. Somehow, all the emotions and memories came rushing back to me. When I looked at their graduation photos, I felt a pang of sadness. I’ve always associated them with Southampton, along with memories attached to each person. And now, as their Southampton chapter is ending, I feel lost. It’s a nasty jab when I realized, if someday I come back to Southampton, everything will be different. I might not know anyone there, and I might feel alienated in a place that was utterly familiar to me. In a way, I guess it’s worse than moving to a completely new place, where you don’t have pieces of dormant memories tucked in every corner of the city, ready to be awoken at any moment.

Southampton means a lot to me. It was the place where I met some of the most incredible people in my life. It was the place where I found my true self, and the courage to be that self. It was the place where I fell in love, got heartbroken, and recovered in a way that made me not just stronger, but also wiser and richer.

Southampton introduced me to the best version of myself I hadn’t known before, and for that reason alone, it holds a special place in my heart.

Usually, I distract myself before I get too emotional. Today, I let myself cry.

I hope I can see you again, Southampton. :’)

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6 Comments

  • Reply nerissarahadian

    “It was the place where I met some of the most incredible people in my life. It was the place where I found my true self, and the courage to be that self.”

    and somehow I could totally relate to how you feel about Southampton, Kak :”)
    For me, its the little thing that matter like laughing with friends, running for the bus, walking to the school, waiting at the cafe that makes the city is so special – and that’s when I see London everywhere.

    I do really hope you can see Southampton again soon, Kak Dixie! :”)

    July 22, 2016 at 1:52 am
    • Reply Dixiezetha

      Thank you Nerissa. Indeed, it’s the little things that later would be the things we miss the most. Ah, the irony. Hope you can see London again too, Nerissa :)

      July 24, 2016 at 1:05 pm
  • Reply southamptonoldlady

    Lovely post. Hold on to those wonderful memories – you may meet up with those people again one day – perhaps you could have a reunion in Southampton. When you say, “I might feel alienated in a place that was utterly familiar to me” it is true, I felt like that coming back when I had been born here. Think how many stories centuries-old Bargate has seen! Come back when you are not sad, when you have time and bring your camera.

    July 22, 2016 at 7:27 am
    • Reply Dixiezetha

      Thank you so much! I will hold on to those memories, they’re just too precious to be forgotten. I’m wondering the same thing about Bargate! It would be so interesting to hear all the stories it’s seen. I very much hope I can come back again someday, and meet those people. Thank you again for your kind words :)

      July 24, 2016 at 1:08 pm
  • Reply Katka Mrvova

    Hey Dixie, this is a wonderful post. I totally identify with what you feel. Your time in Southampton was meant to be, be grateful for that time, it was supposed to introduce you to people and things that shape your life into the future :) The study times are the best times, when I think about how many people don’t get the opportunity to study at all, it makes me appreciate what we have even more! It’s amazing discovering new places and people. It is after all, what makes us richer :) Thanks for this post, it made me ponder over one amazing period of my life. So grateful! And don’t worry if Southampton isn’t going to be the same the next time you visit! It surely won’t, but going there will remind you of the greatest things and that alone will be such a bliss! hugs xxx

    August 19, 2016 at 3:21 pm
    • Reply Dixiezetha

      Aaah thank you Katka! Southampton is really one of a kind, and I can’t imagine my life without it to be honest. I’d be a very different person without it (maybe much more shy and timid and a lot less fun), and I owe Southampton (and the people I met there) for that. Hugs back! xxx

      August 21, 2016 at 3:38 pm

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