October has always been my favorite month. I might be biased here, since I’m an October girl (who wouldn’t love their birth month?), but I really think there’s something charming about this month. And I’ve never failed to find that charm, each and every year.

Last year was one of the most unforgettable Octobers for me. I’m not sure if it’s my favorite, but I have this longing feeling about it. It was the month when I graduated and had to bid farewell to the place (and people) that had been with me for four years. In the morning I had to wake up really early and get the make up done, had a few bites of sausages then rushed to the auditorium. The afternoon was blurrier. I remember hugging a lot of people, smiling to the cameras, holding flowers, and in the end, crying while hugging my good friends. I’d known that once my friends and I graduated we’d be walking on our own path, without any certainty, and those fun days of hanging out and studying (with many some sleepless nights) would end from that very day. I’ve never really figured out my feeling about that day. Joy, grief, and relief were all mixed up. A bittersweet memory, it was.

In the night, after all the euphoria had gone and the exhaustion started creeping in, my family and I were sitting on the hotel’s lobby when my father threw a question about what I wanted to do next. I said I wanted to get a master degree. I thought I had to talk him more into it (because I was thinking that he would expect me to work), but to my surprise, he agreed right away. So right from that moment, I started planning my next step. It was an end and also a beginning.

And now, a year later, here I am. In a new October, in a new place.

Just like last year, I have a mixed-up feeling about this. Excited for starting a new life in a place so far away from home, but scared at the same time. But as the words say, ‘If you’re not scared, you don’t dream big enough.’ So I guess this kind of scare is the good one.

And then there’s happiness for meeting new friends, exploring so many places, and experiencing so many things (like my favorite thing for now, autumn), but also sadness for missing so many things at home. Just a week ago, ITB held the October graduation, and looking at all of my friends’ photos in Facebook and Twitter made me so sad. I even started crying, thinking how wonderful it would be, to be there on the graduation, hugging them and handing bouquets of flowers, and taking lots and lots of pictures with them. And out of the blue, I missed everything. My campus, my friends, Bandung, and even my room in there. That was the first time I felt homesick in here.

The last two Octobers have been confusing, two fuzzy flashes of happiness and sadness, as well as smiles and tears, but I love it anyway. It always brings strong feelings, something worth to be reminisced.

In the end, let me quote Johannes Stankowski, whose song couldn’t fit this time more perfectly.

The years are flashing by, and everything will change

But way down deep inside, we all just stay the same

Do the things you wanna do ’cause life don’t wait

Just keep on moving, it’s such a wondrous world out there.

So this is for my friends who graduated this October. I know this is a week late, but congratulations to you all, especially Faba, Zahra, and Faisal. I’m so proud of you! :’)