The clock had struck to midnight. She laughed hard, her head was dizzy. She felt like hearing things buzzing in her ears, but she knew that it was the alcohol that played with her mind. She didn’t mind. The alcohol did its job fine, to make her forget him, to make her forget everything for a while, and to make her laugh even for only awhile. Alcohol is a girl’s bestfriend when she’s broken-hearted, she thought. It’s been a long time since she laughed, she’d been crying too much lately.
She glanced at the clock, and gasped in shock as she realized it was past midnight. She knew her father would be in the living room, smoking as he waited for her furiously for breaking the curfew. Panicked, she grabbed her clutch and made a dash to the door, then to her car.
Her hands were shaking as she tried to open the door. When she finally got in, she took a deep breath and opened the car window, hoping that the fresh air would make her feel better. Her head was spinning, and she felt nauseous. She fought the urge to throw up, and lied her head on the steer for a minute.
The usual ride would take about twenty minutes from there to her house. Once again, she took a deep breath, ran the engine, and stepped on the gas pedal. “Let’s make it in five,” she murmured as the car started to run wild.
She didn’t realize what was going on when she heard a loud crash and a pain stabbed in her chest. The next thing she knew, everything was black.
Slowly, she heard a voice. A deep voice that she knew perfectly well. Too well, maybe. His voice. He was there.
The realization hit her, and for the thousands time, she tried really hard to open her eyes. She could feel the syringe in her hands, the oxygen mask around her nose that kept blowing oxygen. She could feel the pain in every inch of her body, as if someone had put shattered glasses all over her body and pushed it in. It had been days since she tried to open her eyes, or anything to make a gesture, to let anybody knew she was conscious. The pain always won, and she lost as she couldn’t even make the slightest movement without feeling so much pain. But today, she tried harder and harder. She tried the hardest.
Please, open. I want to see him, please. Just let me open my eyes this time. Just once.
But as before, her eyes didn’t open. It was like someone had glued her eyelids, and she felt the inexplicable pain when she tried to open her eyes. She felt that her other senses were in alert. She could smell his scent, the Drakkar Noir perfume he always used. She heard him calling her name.
And she felt his hand in hers, holding it tightly as if he didn’t want to let it go.
“April. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
She still lied there, eyes closed, mouth closed.
“I’m really sorry. The last time we talked, I didn’t mean anything. I didn’t hate you. I don’t.”
His voice was trembling, and then she knew, even without being able to see him, that he was crying. Please don’t cry, she felt like saying.
“April. Please wake up. Please, for me,” he begged. “I would do anything you want if you wake up. Anything. We could do things we haven’t done, like you’ve always wanted. I’ll buy you bags of Doritos, I promise. And we can go to Thailand, you would like that, would you? Please, please wake up.“
She cried. More than anything, she wanted to wake up and spend a little more time with him. More than anything, she wanted him to know that she knew he hadn’t meant that. And she wanted him to know that she still loved him, every second of every minute of every day.
A tear rolled down and wet the pillow. He realized it.
“April, I know you hear me. Please, please wake up.”
She kept trying, but she couldn’t. She pushed herself to open her eyes, but even with her eyes closed, the pain was too much. She was frustrated. She felt like yelling, For God’s sake, let me open this damn eyes for the last time! I only want to see him! Then you can take my soul or anything you want. Just please, let me open my eyes!
Nothing happened. She started to feel tired.
On his last attempt, he said, “I believed that you shouldn’t have to know this, but now, I really think you have to know. I love you. I still love you.”
That was all she needed to know. And she wanted him to know, that she heard it, and she felt the same way. Even bigger. So with every strength she had, she gave him a weak squeeze, the least thing she could do. A squeeze that was so weak, he almost thought it was just his imagination. But he believed, that she really squeezed his hand.
And so he knew. He knew that she knew he loved her, and he knew that she still loved him too.
With a relief, she forced herself to move her lips, to form one smile.
And then, slowly, the pain subsided until she felt nothing anymore.
You had me at hello. I have you at goodbye.