Throughout my time in college, and the time after that, I always admired my peer who seemed to be so driven, outspoken, and confident about everything, particularly their career. Unsurprisingly, they went far up the ladder with ambitions that never seemed to diminish. And in those times, I always felt somehow inadequate for not being as driven and ambitious to achieve something. I often wished to be one of those alpha females, who were so confident and determined to get what they want, and wouldn’t stop until they really got it.
I tried hard to make myself psyched about the prospect of climbing the ladder and being on top, but to be honest, I couldn’t. I tried to look up to these women and set myself some standards, similar to what they’d achieved. It didn’t work. Instead of feeling motivated, I felt intimidated.
Full disclosure, this isn’t a post to discredit alpha females. God knows I admire them. It’s just I’ve realized that my path might be slightly different to theirs, that I don’t really fit in the corporate world. It’s just recently that it dawned on me, maybe I can’t be ambitious for something I have no interest at.
Does it pique my interest that the latest invention of drilling technique promises more efficient ways to drill abrasive formations? Umm, no. I also can’t get myself excited about the newest technology that could predict/simulate reservoir behaviors thousands of feet below the surface, nor can I picture myself doing this for the rest of my life.
Maybe my interests lie in other fields, and I don’t know how it will be in the future, but I’m willing to give it a try. More than willing, I desperately want to give it a try.
So maybe my goals are not about being filthy rich, or being an executive in a top company. For a long while, I felt guilty for not wanting those things, as if by wishing something other than those, I was being insensible and irrational. But my dreams are pretty simple, really. I dream about being a country dweller, living in the most peaceful part of the town, in a house with bright walls and white window panes. I dream about earning my living by doing photography and storytelling, two things that are very dear to me. Bigger things would involve traveling and being a journalist for National Geographic, but I’m still far away from that.
But it doesn’t matter, because I’ve started living my dreams now, and by God, does it feel good. It might not sound too appealing to lots of people, those dreams of mine. But it keeps me going, and as it turns out, I do have quite a big ambition and goals for these things, and that’s enough for me. I still don’t think I’ll be an alpha female (heaven knows I’m struggling with being confident and outspoken, although I’m getting better). But for once, I don’t mind.
I’m content with pursuing what I’m really passionate about, and I hope it will get me far in life.