More than anything, I hate living in uncertainty. Waiting for a piece of paper that will officially state me as a participant of something I’ve been dreaming since I was a child, waiting for a good news about internship, or any kind of waiting. The worst part is, there’s nothing I can do about it, except waiting patiently. And yeah, I’ve never been a patient kind of person, so this is a bit… hellish for me.
Aren’t we just tired of doing assumptions while we’re waiting? Seeking for good signs to assure ourselves that we’re on the right track, then thrown back to reality when the bad signs come. And for some, denials are pretty exhausting as well. Because when the bad signs appear, we just want to deny it by whispering, ‘This might be wrong. There would be a better sign, just wait for it.‘ So then we wait again, and again, and again, until no one knows when.
I’ve been too tired of living a day in the cloud, and the next day in hell. I’m exhausted of the flash delirium followed by deep agony. So, so tired. More than that, I’m exhausted.
But when I’m just about to quit, as always, there’s a good sign that keeps me from quitting. Like a small piece of turquoise sticky note that I found on your desk last night. And that’s enough to keep me going.
Or maybe I’m just not ready to give up, yet.
You don’t say, and I don’t tell. But we both listen to the unspeakable.